Category Archives: HumouršŸ¤£

JUST SAY IT! OUT-TAKE ā€“ Lost in the Basque Country

ā€˜What do you mean youā€™re not sure? What is it about men and asking for directions?Ā  Iā€™ll sort this out.ā€™ Sliding the passenger door open, Lisa got out of the campervan and walked towards the smiling stranger.Ā  He was wearing a check shirt, and a large beret at a kilter, which Lisa assumed was the Basque tradition. He staggered and almost fell, reaching out to grab hold of Lisaā€™s outstretched arms to steady himself.

The Dotage Diaries: The Gradual Decline

Iā€™m not sureĀ when yourĀ dotage is supposed officially supposed to start, but I fearĀ the tell-tale signs have been around for a while now. Ā Just small things.

SHOCKING AND APPALLING: NHS staff deserve a much larger pay rise than 1%

Shocking and appalling! Ā The BritishĀ Government think it is okay to palm NHS staff with a 1% pay rise! Please sign the petition to say you agree. Ā  I cannot begin to imagine what NHS staff Ā have been through during the last 12 months. All the sacrifices they made in their own lives to save theContinue reading ā€œSHOCKING AND APPALLING: NHS staff deserve a much larger pay rise than 1%ā€

Soothing Your Itchy Feet During the Lockdown Days ā€“ You Canā€™t Be Serious?

Keeping my itchy feet happy duringĀ these eternal Lockdown Days is an ongoing problem. Iā€™ve tried binge watching twenty years worth of travel videos, with my feet propped up on a stool, so they can relive those heady sun soaked, beach filled days, but they are not happy. Ā In fact, one of them is particularly grumpy this morning, and is refusing to get out of bed.

SHORT STORY: AN HONEST REVIEW

I like Beryl too, she is always upbeat, and we go way back. She teaches PE at Didsbrookā€™s secondary school, including me for seven years. I thought she was a bit long in the tooth for the job then, but she wasĀ probably only fifty-something. She would send us out for a five-mile run up the A59 and follow us in her topless MG shouting words of encouragement. Beryl is due to retire at the end of the next term and has been working on a novel. From the rather steamy pieces she has been reading to us, she could well be Didsbrookā€™s answer to E. L. James. She captures everybodyā€™s attention when she reads, especially Basil and Tom, who are as animated as we ever see them. I canā€™t help wondering if Beryl is drawing from her own experiences.Ā If she is, I really do need to get a life.

Back Off! Youā€™re So Not Funny

Following the joyful inaugurationĀ of the 46th U.S. President, Joe Biden, hundreds and thousands of overlayed images of Bernie Sanders started appearing everywhere, ridiculing the mittens he was wearing at the ceremony. Ā It touched a nerve with me. For goodness sake, he is seventy-nine, it was 4C and blowing a howling bloody gale, but Iā€™m guessing his hands were warmer than anybody elseā€™s. Ā So, to whoever started circulating these memes, back off! Ā Youā€™re not so funny!

SURREAL TIMES: Tired Tuesday, the Day After Blue Monday

As we live in surreal times, I decided to call today Tired Tuesday. It is the day after Blue Monday, the official name for the third Monday of each New Year, which apparently, has been noted as the most depressing day of any year ā€“ not just one plagued by a pandemic. Surprisingly, I felt quite upbeat, as for the first time in 2021, I felt like I had a wasp up my arse, for the whole day, until I ran out of steamā€¦

DEAR DIARY ā€“ POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND AFFIRMATIONS FOR 2021

Dear Diary, as 2020 was so goddam bleak, I intend to record only positive thoughts and affirmations this year.

Well, hello, 2021! I took down the tree and the Christmas decorations today because now that youā€™re here, there no point in hanging around, I want to get on with it. Youā€™ve been a long time coming. Ā Itā€™s been the longest 365 days of my life and, as Iā€™m sure youā€™ve heard, your predecessor was a nightmare.Ā 

My Top 5 New Year Writing Resolutions to Become a Better Writer

In the fuggy aftermath of a thoroughly enjoyable Christmas Day when, for a few hours, we successfully managed to banish all thoughts of the craziness going on around us, my blurry waking thoughts centred around my top 5 New Year Writing Resolutions. Ā Look out 2021, here I come!

In a Bah Humbug State of Mind

I started off December 2020 in a bah humbug state of mind. Ā Now, here were are on Christmas Eve and my mental state hasnā€™t improved. Ā Two days ago, I rearranged the sitting room and forgot that Iā€™m not in my prime anymore, when I swung a heavy, high-backed chair from one side of the room to another and, my back gave wayā€”what a time to self-incapacitate.

THE DOYENNE OF DIDSBROOK, MY PRIORITY FOR 2021

Finishing writing The Secret Lives of The Doyenne of Didsbrook,Ā a murder mystery spoof, will be my priority in 2021. Ā Sheā€™s been ignored over the last few months, which I feel bad about, asĀ Just Say It has been getting all my attention, but Iā€™ve been missing her, ā€˜The Doyenneā€™, and her secret lives. LOVING MY CHARACTERSContinue reading ā€œTHE DOYENNE OF DIDSBROOK, MY PRIORITY FOR 2021ā€

DARE TO DREAM Travels Beyond COVID-19 Where are you Headed?

At the first opportunity, I will be travelling again, as soon as itā€™s safe. I have various autoimmune problems, so I am not taking any chances. I donā€™t want anything else.Ā Even worse, I could be asymptomatic, and the last thing I would ever want to do is infect someone else. My Bucket List is typed,Continue reading ā€œDARE TO DREAM Travels Beyond COVID-19 Where are you Headed?ā€

The Critic ā€“ coming back to bite me?

I am about to start submissions, again, so I hope this one doesnā€™t come back to bite me! I wrote this doggerel almost thirty years ago. It was inspired by an experience I had at sixteen when I still had, misguided, aspirations about pursuing a career on the stage.

JUST SAY IT! Excerpt Cut from the Final Draft

She closed her eyes.

ā€˜Forty-years-old and no husband. Itā€™s unthinkable. How could it possibly happen to a daughter of mine?ā€™

Having a forty-year-old daughter did not sit comfortably with Cynthia, especially a forty-year-old unmarried one. Ā She squirmed inwardly, turning up her stinky fish nose and pursing her lips as the phrase spinster of the parish flashed into her mind.

She wasnā€™t really surprised. She always felt Katieā€™s choice of men over the years had been questionable. Probably satisfying in the bedroom department perhaps, but none of them ever had any money.

In Cynthiaā€™s mind, money, lots of it, and preferably a title were the essential ingredients to sustain a successful marriage.

GREETINGS FROM MY TROPICAL HAVEN

HAPPY THURSDAY! Ā  Ā 

ITā€™S GOT TO BE DONE: THE FINAL EDIT

THE EDITING NIGHTMARE ā€“ THE END! Well, all bar the kicking, screaming and the next wave of submissions. Or should that be the other way around?

SELF-INDUCED EDITING MODE

I have been pussyfooting around the final editĀ since the beginning of September 2020. After receiving amazing feedback for Say it, Iā€™ve been putting off restructuring the final draft. As of Monday, I am pleased to announce that I finally kicked the procrastination, knuckled down and willingly went intoĀ self-induced editing mode. Not sure how long Iā€™llContinue reading ā€œSELF-INDUCED EDITING MODEā€

OUTTAKES: Stage Struck

At the age of fifteen, Lisa believed she was going to be a one-woman equivalent ofĀ Rodgers and Hammerstein II andĀ mounted a production of her first musical. Ā 

Printer Fatigue

My printer ink reservoir of patience and calm has run dry. I am exhausted and stressed ā€“ not a good place to be. I am in mourning for my late lamented printer.

Bye, Bye Week Number 30, 2020

Bye, Bye week number 30, 2020. Youā€™ve been an interesting one.

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